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LITURGICAL TERMS
Those involved in Liturgy may not recognize these explanations of Liturgical Terms, but we offer them to our parish as an opportunity to laugh at ourselves.
AMEN: The only part of any prayer that everyone knows. BULLETIN: 1. Parish information, read only during the homily.
Catholic air conditioning during Mass. Your receipt for attending Mass.
CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to lip-sync. HOLY WATER: A liquid used for blessing made by boiling the devil of out of the water. HYMN: A song of praise, usually sung in a key thee octaves higher than the Gathered Assembly's range. GATHERING HYMN: The first hymn at Mass, often sung very quietly, since most of the Assembly has not yet gotten out of their cars or are just leaving home. CLOSING HYMN: The last hymn at Mass, also usually sung a little more quietly, since most of the Assembly has already left. However, the Mass does end when the Presider says "Go in peace!" INCENSE: Holy Smoke! KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava. PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches, especially when the floor slants. PROCESSION: The ceremonial entrance at the beginning of Mass, consisting of Altar Servers, Lector carrying aloft the Words of God, Presider, and late parishioners knocking over the ministers to get in and find a seat before them. RELICS: People who have been going to Mass so long, they actually know when to sit, stand, and kneel. USHERS: The only people in a parish who do not know the seating capacity of a pew.
(Sent to Fr. Bill by a parishioner who enjoys a smile and a good laugh.)
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